Opening Day is Scheduled; I Feel Sick

Flash forward a couple of months. It's 7:55 a.m., Monday, April 1.

I make a phone call.

Hello, boss. (Cough)

Oh, hello Chad. You don't sound so good.

Yeah, I can't go to work today. I've been sick all weekend. I think I need one more day to rest.

Ok, feel better soon and take care of you.

Thank (Cough. Cough.) you.

Click!

Hehehehehehehehehe.

I did it. I'm off work.

What?

No, I'm not celebrating April Fool's Day. (Who takes off work for that?)

I'm playing hooky April 1 because it's opening day of the 2013 baseball season. And the Yankees are hosting the Red Sox at the Stadium. First pitch, to be tossed, I'm guessing, by CC Sabathia, is scheduled for 1:05 p.m., and the contest will be broadcast on ESPN.

I love opening day. It's usually a bit cold at most ballparks, which doesn't bother me since I'm sitting in my cozy man cave watching on a 52-inch TV. But the site of long sleeves throws off the baseball aesthetic a bit for me. But not in a way I can't enjoy the game.

I still remember a few years ago seeing Kelly Clarkson singing the national anthem on opening day at the Stadium. She looked very cold and uncomfortable all bundled up in a blue Yankees jacket.

I still have no idea why Kelly Clarkson, who's from Texas, was singing the national anthem at Yankee Stadium.

Back to the cold for a second. I totally dig the look of fans bundled up and freezing in October. Being a Yankee fan 34 years – yes, I've been having an affair with the Nationals since they moved to D.C. – I guess I've gotten used to that site and, with the Yankees playoff accomplishments the last 15 or so years, have associated the frozen fan look with success.

But no matter the temperature in the Bronx, or at any of the other Major League cities on opening day, I embrace the excitement. This year will be particularly nice with the Yankees playing the hated Red Sox.

Yuck, the Red Sox.

They make me sick.

Hello, boss. I may need take off Tuesday also.

Yankees Chatter on the Radio… Can't Wait!

I'm an avid listener to New York sports radio.

And let me tell ya, bro: I'm plenty sick of hearing about the Jets mess.

Really, bro. Can we move on?

Well, of course not.

From misfirings (Mark Sanchez all season) to firings (General Manager Mike Tannenbaum at season's end), the dysfunctional Jets are radio ratings gold.

Still, I can't wait for the days when Jets news has flown off into the wild, blue yonder and those airwaves are again filled with Yankees talk, and even Mets fans missing R.A. Dickey.

Be patient, I tell myself. It won't be long now.

Pitchers and catchers report to spring training in mid-February. There will be meaningless (for most of us) spring training games throughout March. I always look forward to those, but after a few days, I hardly pay attention, barely glancing at a box score here and there to see how the prospects are progressing.

Did Sanchez get a hit? He got two. Great!

What? A split squad game tomorrow? I hate those! What's for dinner?

This year, we fans of the Yankees will have our eyes on Austin Romine, both at the plate and behind it.

Brian Cashman already has said he expects the young catcher to begin the season at Triple A, but you certainly can expect plenty of calls to sports radio urging the Yankees' general manager to keep Romine on the big club's opening day roster, particularly if he plays well in March, handling the pitching staff adequately, smashing the snot out of the ball.

Because who else you got?

Francisco Cervelli and Chris Stewart, that's who.

Last year, Cervilli's WAR stat was… Hah, I got ya. You thought I was going to go all baseball stats geek on you, didn't you? No way, bro!

Speaking of stats, how often will the Yankees' awful, I mean god-awful, postseason batting numbers be discussed over the airwaves in late February and throughout March?

It'll be a number rivaling Alex Rodriquez's total failures in the clutch, I'm guessing.

And speaking of A-Rod, how about his contract? "We're paying this guy to strike out twice a game for five more years, Mike," will no doubt ring from the vocal cords of more than one frustrated caller.

And the pitching staff. Is CC going to hold up this year? Is he starting to break down? Did he lay off the Cocoa Puffs this offseason?

And what about Andy Pettitte? Can he stay healthy? Can he find a time machine and reverse his age?

And let's not forget about the Phil Hughes trade proposals offering the righty and a couple of prospects – hot minor league prospects are as plentiful as pennies, ya know – to the Angels for Mike Trout.

You think no one's dumb ignorant enough to make that call? Just listen.

All that talk is still a few weeks away, though. Right now, if we tune in to sports radio talk, we have to put up with ramblings about Rex Ryan's and Woody Johnson's ineptitude.

But soon, soon my Yankee friends, when the days begin to get brighter and warmer, when the snow melts away and the green grass is exposed, there will be baseball talk over the airwaves and someone named Sal will call for Jeter to be traded to the Marlins for Giancarlo Stanton if our long-loved short stop gets off to a slow start in the spring.

"They would love Jeter in Florida, Mike. He's got a house down there."

Just wait.

I can't wait, bro!